So I wasn't seeking the leaks out and I'm definitely not posting them on my blog for people to watch, but my friend sent me the first 4 episodes of season 5 and when you have such temptation like that, it's hard to say no. And so I watched them.
But before you read on can I just say I hate that I see vaginas everywhere. HBO be fair! If a man and woman are both naked, it's not fair I only see a vagina. Either both or nothing. Stop being sexiest! This is seriously why I prefer Starz over you.
Cersei is dealing with her father's death and blames, of course, Tyrion as well as Jamie, who set Tyrion free. So now I know Cersei will die because we saw Cersei getting her fortune told by a witch when she was younger. Apparently, someone younger and more beautiful will be her undoing. Me thinks
Tyrion was finally let of his box and is determined to drink himself to death, but Varys proposed another idea instead. Verys suggests they need to back a new ruler for the kingdom, a woman. Perhaps The Mother of Dragons? That woman really needs to get a handle on her dragons first though.
Podrick and Brienne are having a love tiff. I guess Brienne is mad that Arya wouldn't go with her so she's trying to get rid of Podrick, but they still have to find Sansa, who was so close they could have hollered her name she would have heard. Sansa, who is looking more like her mother everyday (which is freaking me out), and Littlefinger are on there way to somewhere. Littlefinger didn't say. If I had to guess I would say Winterfell, but I bet I'm totally off. I just hope they don't bring along that tit boy. He's fucking useless.
Over at The Wall, Jon Snow tries to persuade the leader of The Wildings to take a knee and join forces with Stannis Baratheon, but he says no because it would go against what he stood for even if it would save his people from dying when winter comes. And so they burn him alive, but Snow did him a solid by killing him with a bow so he wouldn't die screaming like a bitch.
- Walder Frey
- The Mountain
- Meryn Trant
Finally, I see my favorite and she makes it to meet Jaqen H'ghar, but when she knocks at his door, it's not him. Arya asks if he's there to which the old guy that answers says he doesn't know anyone by that name. By the end of the episode, it is revealed that the old guy is Jaqen H'ghar but since that's not his real name, nor do I think he has a name, and is therefore nameless, he didn't really lie to Arya. Now he will teach her not to have a name as well. I don't know if I want to see her train or not. I guess it would depend on how long it would take her to master it, but I totally called the old guy being Jaqen the whole time.
Podrick and Brienne do end up meeting Sansa and Littlefinger and once again Brienne is denied, but they decide to follow them because neither of them believe Sansa is safe in Littlefinger's care. Plus, he has a weird attraction to her because she looks like her mother. Fucking weirdo. But seriously I don't know why Brienne didn't mention that she saw Arya not that long ago. Like seriously, drop that fact.
The Lannister twins are worried about their daughter since they received a "gift" from her future in-laws. It was basically a threat since Oberyn and another sibling died. Luckily for the Martells, they have a smart family member, who doesn't just kill little girls just to get back at people. I swear if Ellaria Sand was in charge, half of the girl's body would have been gone already. Jamie decides to go to the south to get his daughter back and he's bringing along Bronn. Man can only do so much with one hand.
Tyrion and Varys are still on the road, bitching along the way. Cersei has put a hit out on Tyrion so little people are dying everywhere. Speaking of Cersei, no one is taking that bitch seriously, especially not her uncle. The Lannisters are losing respect and control quickly.
Over at The Wall, Jon Snow was offered a deal to become an official Stark as long as he kneels to Stannis because apparently northerners won't take Stannis seriously as king unless a Stark is with him. However, Snow gave up on becoming a Stark once he joined the Night's Watch so he's turning that down. On the upside, Snow was voted as the new head of The Watch, so he has that going for him. I mean, if it weren't for him no one would have known that the Wildings were going to attack so they would have all been dead if it weren't for him.
The Mother of Dragons is having a hard time dealing with politics. They captured someone who was killing the unsullied and Dany was going to give him a fair trial (so she wouldn't seem unfair like the Mad King, who was killing everybody), but a slave killed him first thinking he was doing Dany a favor. So Dany had to act justly and executed the slave and man did that start an uproar on the slave side against the masters and the masters retaliated. If I was Dany, I would say fuck this. I don't need this shit. I'm gonna go get me a kingdom. On the upside (there should always be an upside), the unchained dragon came back, but I'm not sure if it's sticking around.
So Arya hasn't even begun her training because she isn't ready yet. She wants to be a Faceless Man, but just based on her clothing alone you can tell she's Arya Stark. So she gets rid of everything, well almost everything. She hides Needle, which makes me think she's still not ready. She's also not the only one who is in training. Another girl, who basically whopped Arya's ass is also there not offering any help in what she needs to do.
Margaery weds Tommen and they have slept together (numerous of times) on their wedding night, which will definitely spark some controversy when this airs. Even I was weirded out by Margaery being naked to Tommen. SMH, it was just wrong. Anyway, it leads to some pillow talk and Margaery gets into Tommen's head that Cersei will always think of him as her little boy and will never leave his side now that she basically has no one left at the castle except for him now. Margaery just planted the seed people. Tommen later asks his mother if she would rather be where she grew up instead of King's Landing since she's always complained about being here. Cersei knows it's Margaery's doing and for now she plays nice, but I believe she might use a possible religion war to keep her position.
There's a new religion in town called the Sparrow and they hate hypocrisy, which makes me like them right off the bat. Cersei meets with the High Sparrow (Jonathan Pryce) since a religious man was caught with his pants down at a brothel and the Sparrow wanted to teach this religious man a lesson and now he wants revenge by Cersei ordering the High Sparrow's death. However, Cersei sees the value of religion, thinking you need both the crown and the religion to rule. I just think she sees an opportunity to get one over on Margaery.
Reek finally makes his way to the screen and is still serving Ramsey. I don't care much for Reek, but still hoping he kills the Boltons, but for now all he does is listens and hides from Sansa. Roose Bolton isn't getting any respect in the north since people are still loyal to the Starks. Just goes to show you, you can kill people as much as you want, but that doesn't earn their respect (unless you're Jon Snow, but we'll get to that). Roose decides to marry Ramsey to Sansa (who I thought was already married to Tyrion, but since it was never consummated, it didn't count). So I was right, which I really can't believe because I never guess anything right on this show. Littlefinger was heading to Winterfell, which is currently controlled by Bolton. Of course, this is the same Bolton that played a part in the Red Wedding, so Sansa is all hell to the naw about this marriage, but Littlefinger suggest Sansa stop running and being a bystander and start doing something like avenging her mother and brother. I don't know if Sansa can pull it off, but she agrees to the marriage.
Pod and Brienne aren't that far away and they have a nice heart to heart. Podrick tells Brienne how he became a squire and Brienne realizes how she's the worst lord he's had so far. All his lords treated Podrick so nicely except for her and I guess that's why she felt the need to tell him how she became to be so faithful to Renly Baratheon. If you must know the story Podrick says his 1st lord borrowed some food (yes, borrowed since his lord always paid his debts) and was captured. His lord was executed but as Podrick's punishment he was sent to be Tyrion's squire. Brienne told the story of how she went to this party and all the boys wanted to dance with her and she felt so special and pretty until she heard the boys snickering because they couldn't hold the laughter any longer. They were playing a joke on her and it was Renly who basically told the boys to go fuck themselves and he danced with Brienne. She's been loyal to him ever since (and yes, she knew he liked men). It's a really nice moment to look forward to when this episode does air.
Jon Snow turns down Stannis's offer officially. Stannis leaves the fate of the captured Wildings up to him. Davos offers some advice to Jon. He tells him he took an oath to protect the relm so even though Jon may think he shouldn't get involved in politics and therefore shouldn't help with the Bolton's running the north, his sworn duty is to protect people and as long as the Boltons rule the north, people will suffer. Remember that Night's Watch bitch, who hid with Gilly and baby Sam while the battle was going? Well that bitch didn't like how Jon Snow became commander and then he bitched some more when Jon gave him an order he didn't like. When you don't do as you're commanded at the Night's Watch, then off with your head and that's exactly what happened. Jon did me proud and no one's going to miss that bitch anyway. This earned respect in Stannis's eyes, who thought Jon was soft because he showed mercy to the leader Wilding.
Tyrion and Varys are still making their way, but Tryion has had enough of traveling in a box so he gets out and tries to find the closest brothel. Guess who's there? Why it's none other than Jorah Mormont. As Tyrion was taking a piss Jorah snatched him and says he's taking him to The Mother.
Wow! Someone actually important died in this one, but we'll get to that.
Apparently Jorah said he was taking Tyrion to the queen and didn't specify which queen and I just assumed he meant Dany. The assumption was correct, but the joke is on Jorah because Tyrion was already on his way over there. Tyrion basically figured out Jorah was the secret spy among Dany's minions who was giving the crown all info and Tyrion tries to tell Jorah that his plan of handing him over to Dany to get back on her good side won't work, especially since he's worth nothing to the Lannisters except death, but Jorah wasn't having any of it.
Jamie and Bronn make it to Dorne and are greeted with swords, but take them out quickly. The merchant, who had a ship that Jamie and Bronn used to get close to Dorne, told Oberyn's daughters that he carried them across the seas before one of them killed him. The Sand girls (which all of them are quite sexy I might add) including their mother all agree that they will start a war with the Lannisters.
The crown is having money problems, but they've been having money problems, so what else is new. Cersei uses her new found relationship with the High Sparrow to bring (gay) men to justice this includes Margaery's brother. I thought I liked the Sparrows and now I don't. Margaery asks her new husband to free her brother. Tommen tries to talk to the High Sparrow, but he's busy praying and Tommen didn't want to start a fight over it. Tommen is the total opposite of his brother. It's like Cersei couldn't get the right dosage of how much of her and her brother's evil they should give to their children. They gave Joffery too much and gave Tommen too little. I really hope Tommen doesn't die. He's the only Lannister I don't want to die. Anyway, Margaery sets out to visit her grandmother, probably to devise a plan with her. Cersei wins this round.
Over at The Wall, The Red Woman tries to sleep with Jon Snow and persuade him to travel with Stannis to Winterfell, but he ain't sampling nothing without knowing where it's been. Besides, he still in love with Ygritte. It was all kinds of weird when Melisandre left while saying "You know nothing Jon Snow." Freaked the shit out of me as well as Jon who just looked dumbfounded.
There was a really cute moment between Stannis and his daughter that I think most people will enjoy watching. Shireen is bored and is felt unwanted because her mother tells her she didn't want her to come on this trip. What a bitch. Anyway, Stannis tells her the story of how someone poisoned a doll he gave her and that's how she got the scales on her face. He looked for anyone, who could help save his daughter from imminent death because he wasn't going to let his daughter die. Great father and daughter moment.
Littlefinger and Sansa have a fucked up moment. Again Littlefinger kisses Sansa and again I try not to gag. Littlefinger tells Sansa he has to go back to King's Landing because Cersei has called for him and he doesn't want to raise suspicion (he supposed to be at The Vale, but clearly he's in the north talking to the Boltons and Cersei knows none of this). Sansa and Littlefinger are planning to fuck the Boltons too. Littlefinger knows Stannis is coming for the north and he has a bigger army so he's betting on him. Even if Stannis loses, Sansa would still be married to Ramsey so no matter what Sansa will have power to reign the north. She could just kill Ramsey later. He's already smitten by her and like Littlefinger said, she was taught from the best.
Barristan Selmy died this episode fighting the good fight. A fight broke out against the rebels and Barristan died and Grey Worm is badly hurt. I swear, that place isn't fucking worth it. Anyway, if I was Dany I would let them fight in the pit either not to the death or to the death but one has to be a master and the other a slave. That way they can keep their stupid custom of fighting in the pit and it can bring peace back to the land.